Jeff and I are high school sweethearts and were married in 2016. We consider ourselves best friends and have been busy pursuing our careers – Sierra in non-profit management and Jeff as a golf professional. When the pandemic hit in early 2020, we had more time to reflect on what was most important to us and decided it was time to start a family. After six months of trying to get pregnant, we had our very first positive pregnancy test. We were over the moon and as the pregnancy symptoms set in, we began tightening up our lifestyle to prepare for our bundle of joy. Names picked out, baby registry started, progress photos, the whole nine yards. But before we could announce to everyone, we wanted to see the form of our child on that ultrasound and hear his or her heartbeat. Unfortunately, our first ultrasound was an event full of tears and questions. No heartbeat, no clear image of our baby.
Jeff and I lost our first baby in November and I had a D&C two weeks before Thanksgiving. We heard the words no one ever wants to hear, “this is not a viable pregnancy.” We consoled ourselves by determining when we would start trying again. But then, to add insult to injury, two weeks before Christmas our doctor confirmed that we had a particularly complicated miscarriage called a molar pregnancy. This type comes with a risk of cancer so our doctor told us we cannot starting trying again for six months while they monitor my hormone levels for indicators of cancer. That means blood tests, way too many blood tests. I imagined grief to be a time-limited process following a singular event, but with a lingering question of cancer it’s more like grief and fear and denial and anger and deferred hope all in one tangled web.
Since that time, things got more complicated with a hip reconstruction surgery for me. Along through that process we had two more miscarriages, one in July of 2021 and the next on Mother’s Day Weekend in May of 2022. We have since sought some specialists and determined to go through with In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). Our journey toward parenthood has been full of uncertainty, but we have each other (and our dog Winston!). Jeff ends every doctor appointment with a promise, “you and me.” We have our faith, family and friends that hold us up, doing whatever it takes to start our little family.
Welcome to our journey! We started this blog in hopes of reminding other couples experiencing pregnancy loss and infertility that you are not alone. We will be writing about our experience from all angles: medical, emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual. We also love fitness and nutrition, so we’ll talk healthy eating, supplements, exercise, sleep, and be real about how our busy lives get in the way. We believe we are our healthiest selves when we integrate all parts of us so we will post all the raw details as we heal and try again. We’re glad you’re here!